Hi, its been a while.  Its been a long long while.  I doubt anyone reads this anymore, or if any reader remembers who I am in real life.  Which is great, because thats what this started out to be.  An anonymous blog where I can vent.  And then it soured after everyone could put a face to the pen writing this.  I feel much more comfy writing this now.

Alot has happened over the past months and in fact weeks.  I was reading the blog of my ex gf and I still feel a heartache at the bitterness she (rightly) feels towards me and our breakup.  I was young and I erred, I mishandled things and I hurt her so badly.  I can only say, once again, I'm sorry to the people I've hurt over the years.  I guess its retribution that I get hurt so badly in return too.  I deserve it.

Two major things have happened lately.  And somehow they have intertwined and affected each other in the most unexpected ways.  I wish i could say that I know things will turn out well.  But I don't and the uncertainty is indeed unsettling.  But to a certain point when things are out of my control, there is really nothing I could do but hope for the best and at the same time, continue to perform professionally and value-add to myself.

On the flip side, an innocuous act has casted doubt on my integrity is an unexpected way.  I can only say that I feel wronged and sad that my bosses have so little faith in me.  When worries cloud rationality and inspires doubt, there is alas nothing I could do but hold on to my clear conscience. 

And that brings me to something I wish to ink and note today, lest I forget it some days later.  That is, there are so many uncontrollables in life that there are precious few things worth hanging on to thru highs and lows.  One is a clear conscience and certain principles.  That lends to a clear state of mind and a guilt-free heart.  Another is one's own value.  I've always held the notion that if one's services, knowledge and skills are valuable, it doesn't matter how others fight over credit.  Ultimately one will be valued.  Conversely, if one is an empty bag of hot air and nothing but just talk, no matter how well-paid/positioned he/she is and/or politiks for credit, at the end of the day he/she is just nothing but a suit and a desk.  ie valueless.

The economy is on the teeters again, and for the 3rd time i wish to stick my neck out and predict something.  There is limited downside, and despite the uncertainties in Europe and US, the market will rise over the next 12 months.  Beyond that, it is anyone's guess.  The Mayans always prepared for the last disaster, who knows when or what the next one will be?

 

wow its been a while. My work makes me write so much - minutes, recommendations, memos, emails that require thoughts, emails that don't, NOMs, papers - that I don't feel like writing more during leisure time.  Not for free anyway. Hence the vacuum over the past months.

I'm fine, I've been fine, work is manageable (and tolerable).  At work, I've made a few good friends, and to hell to the rest I say.  Actually my department is a cesspool of politics, backstabbing and profiling right now.  So life as a spectator is really really interesting.  We just had our bi-annual promotion exercise.  No surprises, people who met their timelines got duly promoted.  There are lots of free celebratory meals to be had, so I'm happy.

Its xmas season, and the radio channels are again playing my fav music - xmas songs.  I'm going HK and Japan end of the year, to enjoy the xmas season. yay.  I counted and this year I travelled (for work and leisure) overseas for 9 times.  London (2x), Sarawak, HK, Shanghai (3x), Japan (2x). I nearly went to Thailand for a rubber conference, but the protestors forced my flight to be cancelled.  Add on HK and Shanghai next month, and then Japan, and I would have travelled an average of once per month.    

On the economy, I must say its a great time to be in a semi-government stat board.  Anywayz, I've been watching and reading the news with interest, and there are so many predictions of where the bottom is and how the future few years will pan out.  I truely believe that no one can predict the economy and stock market, and therefore no one can catch the bottom.  Nevertheless, just for fun, let me just stick my neck out and predict the following of the Singapore stock market:

The bottom has already been reached.  Sharp volatility marks the bottom, and the market will persist around this level until 1H09, plunging and rallying from time to time.  From 2Q09, there will be recovery (stock market generally precedes real economy by six months).

Lets see how inaccurate I'm.

Anyway, to all friends out there (in the banking industry or otherwise), take care.  Do pass me your resume if you lose your job.  No harm trying to join my company.  

        

Sometimes I don't understand why I work so hard. I work so hard boss still single me out for blackface. Still give KPI to others. Still give me tons of shitwork that doesn't yield KPI. I look at my colleagues who make tons of mistakes in their work, who leave punctually at 6pm, who spend their days surfing websites. Then they get allocated cases that record skyhigh KPI.

I'm on the verge of giving up. No wonder they say you join the company because of the job, but leave because of your manager. Garmen work really rewards the lazy and punish those who do work. So lets game the system and see who has got more to lose. 

omg.

omgomgomgomg.

i'm in shock.

They made a big hooha out of the year end bonus issue. Seriously we are just having a regular 13th month bonus, which most companies have, and an "economy bonus" of 1 month for the booming economy. Next March, there will be a regular performance bonus of up to 1 month subject to good performance.

So for an entire year, there will be 2 to 3 months bonuses subject to 2 conditions:
(1) booming economy and
(2) good personal performance.

Kind of makes you wonder what average-performing people get during non-booming times eh? negative bonus? And looking across to my friends getting 6 to 18 month bonuses on a regular basis....